What are the most important things needed to live a good life?
TRUE FRIENDS. I mean the kind of friends that will smack you upside the head when you’re doing something stupid. Friends that have the bravery to tell you when you are wrong and spur you to do the right thing even when it seems impossible. THEY make it possible.
The last seven years has been hell and full of mistakes. For over half my daughter’s life I was sitting in an armchair, headphones on, in a sort of daze. I didn’t meet her needs for affection because she was very difficult and would hit and kick and bite. She was supposed to be my redemption child. The one I didn’t screw up on.
But we learn slow.
My daughter has my genes and though I have watched her carefully and met her psychiatric needs, she needed a mom “present” in her life. “Present” is in quotes because it is so much more important for her to know that she is SEEN and HEARD, even if she is screaming on the floor.
I know there will be moments when I fail, but I know my past mistakes. I know what I need to work on.
I remember telling my friends I thought I had caused a large portion of my daughter’s trauma. They told me straight up that I had and was. I needed to get out of that chair.
I have a lot of them, but excuses don’t fix the past. Thanks to those friends, I was finally brave enough to leave my husband and there is not one armchair or recliner in my house and there never will be. I have Isaac too, but somehow he understood. There’s something special about him and his insight, gentleness and acceptance. He accepted that I was sick. She didn’t.
All this to say is that my friends have some serious bravery, and without them, I’d still be sitting in that chair dying a little more every day. But I’m ready and excited to evolve. My daughter and I have forgiven each other, and have grown very close. I’m so lucky. They have every excuse to hate me after what my husband told them and everyone else about me repeatedly. (not to exclude my portion of blame)
“She’s mentally ill and not right.”
He never talked about my physical health. He never said that I couldn’t walk or stand for long periods of time because I had TD. My mental health is fine. My mental health is strong thanks to my friends.
I’m still recovering physically and emotionally, but I’m doing it with excitement and normalcy. I’m not trying to work out. I’m not trying to lift weights. I’m not doing squats. I’m just living and I wasn’t before.
Friends. There’s a lot of essentials to life, a friend that will call you a coward because they love you…They are the reason I’m alive today.
We will adapt. 