What makes you nervous?
Women. Older Men.
I seem to have significant trouble developing meaningful relationships with other women. I talk a lot and I don’t know if that’s why. I’m very happy when they talk a lot too. I like real friendships that are deep, and I don’t believe you can get there without REAL talking. But I found that so many people aren’t interested in anything I have to say. The response of silence is harsh. It says so much while saying so nothing. I actually get along with older women very well. Women in their 60s and older. They love me and I love them. I meet with a group of older women every week. Wisdom. No one has been more supportive of my current situation than they have.
Once my mom told me that because I dress provocatively and wear too much jewelry, women don’t like me because they feel like I’m trying to steal their husbands. I thought that was funny. Rude, but funny. I may have dressed provocatively in the past, but I certainly don’t now. But if I wanna wear a wig, is that really so bad? My purple contacts—is that a good reason for women not to like me? I’m a personality. That’s for sure. Eclectic and trying to love myself as I have always been but was not allowed to be.
As far as older men, I have always been afraid to be in a one on one situation with an older man, and I don’t know why. They just make me nervous. If I’m in a room with a doctor that’s an older man, I want the door open. I don’t know why. But those are two of the things that make me nervous. Mysteries.
We will adapt. 